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第18章 青春不散场 17（第1页）

第18章青春不散场（17）

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&uesdaycame.Iwroteonmycard，“Astittimegathersnomoss.”

Again，nhim，Iyselfwithhumor，whichhadalwaysbeedefeunwahehecardcamebackwiththisnote：“Youseemtohaveasenseofhumor.Isthisanimportantpartofyourlife？”

Whatdidheasgoingonhere？I’trememberateagpersonallyaboutmesiaryschool.Whatdidthisman>

Now，Irathehallway，10mioclass.Justoutsidethedoor，Itookanindexynotebookandwrotemyhedateoeforsomethingtowriteonit，IlythinkaboutthefightI’djusthadwithmydad.“Iamthesonofanidiot！”

Iwroteandtheheroom.Hestood，gadisearthedupatme，hereachedoutforthedIhaohimandtookmyseat.

&Ireachedmyseat，Ifeltoverwhelmedwithdread，whathadIdoo！

Ididthatout.Nowhe’llknowaboutmyamydad，aboutmylife！

Idohingabouttherestofthatclasssession.AllIkabout>

Ihaddifficultysleepingthatnight，filledwithanamelessdread.Whatcouldthesecardsbeallabout？WhydidItellhimthataboutmydad？Supposeheydad？Whatbusiofhisany>

Wednesdaymarrivedalygotreadyforschool.WhenIgottotheclass，Iwasearly.IwainbadhideasbestIcould.TheclassbeganandDr.Simonbegangivingbackthethoughtcards.Heputmihedeskfaaswashisusualpractice.Ipickeditup，almostuurnitover.

Whehefaceofthecard，hehadwritten，“Whatdoes‘thesonofanidiot’dowiththerestofhislife？”

Itfeltlikesomeonehadpuhestomach.IhadspentalotoftimehangingoutiualkingwithmenabouttheproblemsIhad“beyparents”

.Aoo，sharedthesamesortofmaterialwithme.Noonegedaakerespossibilityforhimself.No，tedtheparent-blamihrelief.Everythingarents’fault.Ifwedidpoorlyos，blameMom.Ifwejustmissedgetti-aidjob，blameDad.Itlyplaimyfolksandalltheguysnoddedsagely.Thesefolkswhthetuitioainlyaninterferingbunchoffools，weren’tthey？

SidneySimo-seemiioballoon.Itghttotheheartoftheissue：Whoseproblemisit？Whoseresponsibilityareyou？

Iskippedgoiunionthatdayaraighthelydepressed，ed.AlleveningIthoughtaboutitandaboutsomethingmymotherhadsaid：“Themillionairecallshimselfa‘self-mademan，’butifhegetsarrested，heblameshisabusiveparents.”

IwishIcouldsaythatIexperiencedamagisformationbutitwasn’ttrue.However，Dr.Simowasinsidious.Itkeptingupinmymihefewweeks.Againandagain，asIheardmyselfblamingmyfatherforthisorthat，alittleinternalvoicesaid，“Okay，supposeyourfatherisallthosebadthingsyousaid.Howlongdoyouthinkyougetawaywithblaminghimforyourlife？”

Slowly，inexorably，mythinkingshifted.Iheardmyselfblamingalot.Afterawhile，IrealizedthatIhadcreatedalifeinwhiure！

Iwastheobjectoftheaotthesubject.ThatfeltevenmoreunfortablethananyfeelingIhadinDr.Simon’sclass.Ididn’twa.Iwaor，heprocessofgrowthwasn’teasyorfast.IttookoverayearbeforepeopleIonsibilityformyownayownyownfeelings.Irisedathorovedinallmysubjects.Iwasastouheihenumber—andquality—ofmyfriends.Iwasequallyastonishedbyhowmuchsmartermyfatherseemed.

Allthroughthisprocess，Ikeptsendinginmythoughtcards.Later，Itookanothercoursewiththisueacher.IworkedharderforhimthanIhadinanyotherclassIhadevertakehoughtcardcamemoreuliiht.

Severalyearslater，Iwasastoumyress.Fr，margiIbecameasuccessfulstudentandthenasuccessfulhighschoolteacher.Iwentfromtangerandtavoidaheneylifetosomeonewhized，excited，purposefulandevenjoyful.