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女儿上学了（第1页）

女儿上学了

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SendingKidsOfftoSchool

苏珊·尤尼SusanUnion

Mygirlisgoingtoschool.

&illcouldseehowseveralweeksagotheselayiasclearlyasifithadbeenwritteni.“Fivemoreminutes，hoheoleave.”

Iyfive-year-olddaughter，whohadbeenfrolithePacififorthepasthour.Sherofier，butthedeepblueseawasadifferentmatter.

Maybeshedidn’thearmegherheroaroftheo;maybeshedidhearandwasjustigossibletotell.

&ime’sup，wehavetogourned，gavemea“seeya，Mom”

lookaherintothesurf.Isplashedoutandgrabbedherarm.Myshorts>

“No!”

shescreamed，“Idon’twanttoleave!”

Shejerkedherarmawayfrommeatlebodya>

Nowshewasinoverherhead.OverewithfearandrageIgrabbedher，firmlythistime，aherout.Shesdthrashedaboutlikeawildanimalatrap，growlingandsg.Thegrittysandgtoourwetskin.

BynowIwasshaking.Icouldhardlybelievee.Ismackedheroomhard.Itstuomakeherfreezeaerigs.Shestoodtherealmostpletelysandahwideopeakeabreath.

“eon!”

IsaidthroughchedteethasIpulledheralongtoaththatwouldleadusawayfromthebeach.Shehoppedalongsideofme，seethingandjibbering.Irealizedshewastryingtotellmesomethielligiblewordsalterhjaggedsobsassheshiftedherweightfromooa!Noereoutofthesurf，thesandwassghot.Ihadbeengherthongsallalong.“I’msosorry，sweetie.Puttheseon.”

Islippedherthorembli.

Thatwasweeksago.Notember，andIwasbathebeae.AsIwalkedthebeach，tearswelledupinmyeyes.Icouldseetheimageofmydaughterearlierthatm，headingintoherfreshlypaienforherfirstdayofschool.Herneackroudlyoverhershoulder.Thedesignofyellolepuppiesandkitteenderyears.

I’ddrivenstraighttothebeachafterdroppiherewassomethingsinthenever-eingandbreakingoftheedthepoundingsurfwouldsoothemyanxiousthoughts.

Ihaddreamedofthisdayforyears—fivetobeexact.Idreamedofthisdaywhenshewasonlyayearoldaherdayslurgthroughthehouseunsteadily，learningtowalk.Iwassoedthatshemightmaimherself.Ifollowedherarouharmsoutstretchedlikeagiantbear.

o，Ineededabreakfromfull-timemommyhoodbadly.Ihadleftherwithmyparehejobrequiredmeobusiours，wheinylittlev-distanelines，myvoicecrackedsobadlythatIcouldhardlyans

Andthispastsummer，ourdaysoneahercausedhertodemandmyunfailiion.Asthesummer’sheatgrewmoreoppressive，Igotlistlessbutshebecamemorespirited.EverydayIheard，“Mom，let’sgotothepark，let’sgotothebeach，let’sgototheark，let’sgo，let’sgo，let’sgo.”

Whythetearsthen?Istoppedwalkingandsathroalovelybeaagloriousdayfeelingmiserable.Ishouldbehappy，Ithought.Nomoreibardiwelvehoursaday.NowIkfree，usinastreamofectedideas.IwobacktoschoolorstartthebusinessI’dbeenthinkingabout.Icouldgoshoppingbymyself.Icouldrollupthewindowsinmycar，pidsiopofmylungs.

&his，I’dmisshavingherbymyside.I’dbeeusedtohavingatpaniofiveyears.“Don’tworry，Mom，we’llstillhaveether.”

shehadreassuredmeatthebreakfasttablethatm.

Withthatthoughtinmind，Iythingsoffthebeadheadedformycar.Itwastimetogopickupmybaby—fromherfirstdayofsyangel，Iwaslookingforendingthewoerher.

女儿就要上学了。

然而，我还清晰地记得几个星期前的情景，它就像被写在电影剧本里一样在我眼前浮现。

“宝贝，再玩五分钟，五分钟过后我们就得走了。”

我对五岁的女儿喊道。

她已经在太平洋里嬉闹了一个小时了。

尽管她是游泳池中的高手，但是在这深蓝色的海洋里就不尽然了。

或许是游在海洋咆哮声中的她没有听到我喊她的名字，或许她听到了，只是不在意我的话——这很难说得清楚。

“嘿，宝贝，时间到了，我们得走了！”

我对她说道。

她给我一个“再见了，妈妈”